April 8, 2013

I See You, I Know You, Delicate Autistic Alien

pic 04032013Prepare to enter the auspicious, wild and uncanny world of an Aspies adult. My appointment as a frequent flyer holds a permanent reservation on the journey … Autism characterized by intelligence, intensity, formality, social isolations, and precisions of unique talent. Widely acknowledged and fascinating behaviors revered by the observer.

People with Aspergers generally are high functioning in everyday life but have great difficulty connecting with others due to the inability to read faces, body language and subtle verbal clues. Words literally taken, feelings are intense, numbers identification, clothing has to be soft, dim light, soothing sounds, taste (many Aspies have quite a limited diet) and smells are some of what make up this everyday existence..

In this Hot Rod I suggest you fasten your seatbelt when you jump in… My way of expressing my perception of my reality I am often said to be of worldly wisdom and insight… Perhaps! A day in my life in what it looks like may surprise you.

Innocent my thinking is, and in my awareness of worldly ways, yes, I am naive. And I know it. I’ve tried to get it, I don’t… I like that I don’t get it too. Because, the illusion of what is real and what is real are two different things, and so is the dream. In my awareness, I get the cool stuff…. I know it, I understand it, and I share it with all of those whom love it and are open.   I get the otherworldly aspects of existence others cannot feel, sense, or see.  The label, of Autism is more about the frequency of the individual with it, and that is a whole other arena.   Aspergers contains a childlike innocence in the way of looking at the world. I used to trust people, take them at face value, and believe the words they said were literal and true…and I got hurt…a lot. I am slower to allow people near to me. Now it is more the fact that I still am that I am, and now I am aware that I am unaware. Since my teenage years I realize now looking back, that I found ways to protect myself and they weren’t the most positive of virtues. Alot of times I still didn’t realize things about people and environments that most people readily identify.  I learned to not trust what was being said because the actions rarely supported the words. I learned about masks that people wear, one for work, another for home, one for mom, one for friend…..but mostly, I learned to build walls…to separate even more from society because, quite frankly, I try and avoid pain. I learned to create what I call a “block”, and it is. A protective absence I initiate when I realize a situation or individual has not been upfront with me, betrayed me, or I am with people I don’t yet know. As an observer, I began watching, studying the words, movements and interactions around me. I started to identify with consistency in numbers and patterns as my governing agent to propel me forward. Numbers 23 and 37, give me the green light in all of my life as confirmation.

Naivety is innocence. Respecting this in the autistic is valuable. Realize the loyalty they give unknowingly in any situation no matter if they look older, mature, grown up….sometimes they are nothing more than children trapped in adult bodies. And need protection, and to know they are safe when allowing you to get close to them.

For the Aspie, the Auttie, choosing to get close to someone is a very crucial aspect of the experience. I am old enough and have experienced enough and healed it times over.  I see people in the divinity and truth of who they are. Not so much for the actions of which they carry out in their actions in which they behave in the level of honor in the life they choose to live.  I learned to surround myself with people who I identify with on a level of mutual alignment in patterns in support for a deep draw to healthy and honorable lifestyle, activities, loyalty, commonalities, respect and mutual regard for themselves and others.  I avoid people who abuse substances, cheat, and are not honest in any form or have a criminal history. For Aspies I suggest don’t make friends fast…take your time to get to know someone, find their patterns; trust your instincts… let actions and words match up and reflect congruence. Honor the instincts of those inner feelings you sense and ask someone you trust what they think about a new person you have recently met…and listen to what they have to say.